


Memories

by silvertrails



Series: A Creature of Two Worlds [28]
Category: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-02-03
Packaged: 2019-10-21 20:05:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17649011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silvertrails/pseuds/silvertrails
Summary: Elladan comes to see his mother in Tirion.





	Memories

**Memories  
** By CC  
November, 2007 

This is an amateur effort and does not intend to infringe on the rights of J.R.R. Tolkien. No profit is made and no harm is intended. This story is set in Tirion, Valinor. 

25 Fluffy Fics prompt 19: Flowers

50 Passages prompt 51 (alternate): You will be glad to have these safe again.

This is a birthday gift for my dear Aggie! Happy Birthday! ^__^

Thank you very much to Keiliss for beta reading this in record time! (g)

* * *

It had not been easy to meet his mother again. Even after all these years apart, even though he had been an adult when Celebrían left, Elladan still could not understand, or accept what had happened back then. He had expected his mother to stay, to be strong enough to remain with them. 

“You cannot know how it feels, to lose control of your life, to suffer at those beastly creatures’ hands,” Elrond had told him once. Elladan knew his father was right, and he had tried to make his heart listen to his mind, but these feeling, this awkwardness around his mother would not go away. 

It had been there when he and Elrohir had embraced Celebrían on Alqualondë’s docks. It had been there when they had come to visit their parents in Tirion. Elrond had noticed, and Elladan had seen the concern in his eyes. Elrohir had noticed, and Elladan had felt his twin’s support and concern through their mental link. Celebrían had said nothing and put up a brave face, and Elladan had realized that he could not put off this conversation with his mother anymore. 

That was the reason for him to be standing in her gazebo, surrounded by flowers; yellow and white and blue. It was peaceful, more peaceful than Imladris had ever been, and yet Elladan’s heart was still restless. He had tried to deny it when Legolas asked him earlier, but his bonded knew him too well to be deceived. 

Elladan sighed and looked up in time to see his mother coming. She raised a hand to wave at him, and the soft smile on her lips, surprisingly enough, soothed him. Elladan made to come down to greet her, but she shook her head and hurried her step, looking like a young elleth, very much like the mother Elladan remembered from his childhood days. She seemed to be so alive again, and so in love with Elrond... Elladan had feared to find his mother alone, but it seemed that his parents had found each other again in the peaceful environment that surrounded them. 

“Thank you for receiving me at this early hour, Mother,” he said somewhat formally once she climbed the few steps and stood beside him. She shook her head lightly, and placed the small wooden chest she was carrying on a bench before embracing him. Elladan leaned to kiss her cheek, and found himself drawn into her gentle touch, the awkwardness easing somewhat.

“I would have expected you to come at dawn, normally,” Celebrían said with good humor. “It is never too early for you, Dan.”

Elladan grinned, remembering those days long gone when he would sneak into his parents’ bedroom with something he had found in the garden, or claiming that there were monsters under his bed. Elrohir had always been there, too, half-asleep but following him no matter what. 

“Do you like my garden, Dan?” Celebrían asked, her smile soft as she led him to a seat. “Flowers remind me of Imladris, of Lothlórien, of the places where we lived as a family. They are beautiful, and their lives are brief, but they blossom again with the strength they draw from the earth.”

“I like it,” he said quietly, whispering almost. There was so much more he wanted to say, to ask, but he did not dare to interrupt his mother. In her gentle way she was touching the subject that worried him, and maybe she would also answer the questions he never asked. 

“I was a daughter before I was a mother,” Celebrían continued. “I was Celebrían and nothing else. Only when I had you and Elrohir in my arms did I understand what it meant to give life, to give a part of yourself and see it grow under your care. And what it meant to lose a part of that life you gave...”

_Arwen..._

Celebrían’s voice wavered a little, and Elladan reached to hold her hand, something he had not done in centuries. She accepted the gesture, eyes bright. 

“I could no longer be a mother because I was no longer myself,” she said quietly. “I was someone else, a lost creature who feared her shadow, a spirit in need of healing that no one in Imladris could give. I needed to find myself again, Dan, even if I hurt you in the process. I would have hurt you further if I had stayed.”

“It hurt when you left,” Elladan said softly. “I could not understand, and I tried, Mama. I wondered if there was something I could have done to stop you from leaving. I was... angry when you left, and it was easier to be angry at you than at myself.”

“I would have been angry too, in your place,” Celebrían said kindly. “I would have wondered if I did not try enough, but that is the error, my son. There was nothing you could have done, nothing anyone could have done to stop me from leaving. It was a matter of survival, but it was also a matter of love. I needed to find myself again. Do you understand that now, my son?”

Elladan nodded, realizing what it had cost his mother to leave them, and how selfish he had been. He also understood the measure of her love, and that even if she had been the one broken and torn, she understood him. He kissed her hand and smiled at her, almost shyly.

“Will you forgive me, Mama?”

“There is nothing to forgive, Dan. You needed me, but I was already gone, even before I left. I am here now, and I can be here for you if you allow it. Let us leave the past behind, my son, and keep the good memories. Life is good for me again, and it can be good for you too. Even in this calm environment, where your restless heart cannot yet find peace.”

“You know... of course, you always knew how I felt. Even now that I am no longer an elfling. I am afraid, Mama, that I might not be able to find peace. I came not because I was weary of Middle-earth, but because Rohir and I could not delay our choice any longer.”

Celebrían smiled softly. “I know, my son, and I feared you would not come. I am being selfish maybe, but I am happy that you decided to cross the Sea. I am relieved that I did not lose you or your brother to mortality.”

“Arwen was happy with Estel,” Elladan started to say. Celebrían shook her head.

“We will talk about Arwen when the time is right, Dan. Not yet, I cannot cope with it still. This is your time, Rohir’s time. We need to heal the last hurts before we can remember her without pain.”

Elladan nodded and placed an arm around her shoulders, drawing her close. There were tears in her eyes, but there was also a wistful smile. Elladan brushed her tears gently away.

“Will you walk with me now, Mama?” he asked. “Maybe you could tell me where you hide your orchard? I cannot believe you do not have one.”

The veil of sadness lifted from Celebrían’s smile. “I have one, and I hoped you would ask for it, but let me give you something first.” 

She turned around and placed the small box on her lap, opening the lid. Twin hunting knives that Elladan had believed lost rested inside. Glorfindel had given them to him as a begetting day present millennia ago. 

“I thought you would like to have these again,” Celebrían said. “You gave them to me before the trip, and I left them in my chambers, afraid that I might lose them. I brought them with me when I left Imladris, as it was the last thing you had given to me while I was still myself.”

Elladan picked up the knives and examined them, all the time fighting the wave of emotions his mother’s words brought to him. He had believed that Celebrían had left him behind, and it had not been so. In a way, she had brought him with her, and kept him safe from her grief. He placed them back in the coffer, and closed his eyes, unable to say a word. When he felt his mother’s arms around him, he embraced her.


End file.
